ABOUT THE AUTHOR

David Maxfield is coauthor of the New York Times bestseller, Influencer.

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Dear Crucial Skills,

At our organization, we expect our employees to be ready to care for patients at the start of their shift. But I have several employees who are far in the disciplinary path because they consistently “clock-in” a minute or two late. Of course, they would have been on time if “the water main hadn’t broken,” or they “hadn’t been stuck behind a school bus.” These employees feel the policy is punitive, unfair, and intolerant; and they have the empathy of the early arrivers. Help!

Needing Discipline

First, let me congratulate you for confronting the problem early and consistently, so that the late arrivers are already “far in the disciplinary path.” The most common mistake we make is to let these kinds of problems slide, and as a result, give our tacit permission for bad behavior. Here are a few tips for confronting your late arrivers:

1. Make sure the rule is clear. If you inherited this problem and your predecessor gave his/her tacit permission to let people come in late, you will want to give “fair warning” before beginning to enforce the policy. You will want to talk to the team, and specifically to the late arrivers, to explain the policy and to let them know that you will be enforcing it.

2. Have the crucial confrontation. You usually don’t notice the first time an employee comes in late, you notice when it’s become a pattern. The key is to have the conversation as soon as you realize someone is consistently coming in late. Describe the gap between what you expect and what you’ve observed, and probe for the cause of the problem.

Problems are caused by motivation (the person doesn’t share your priority) or ability (the person is unable or has difficulty complying) or a combination of both. If your employee doesn’t share your priority for arriving on time (motivation), explain the natural consequences for his or her patients, peers, and unit. If necessary, explain the imposed consequences involved in your organization’s disciplinary path.

If the person is having difficulty arriving on time (ability), ask for his or her ideas for making it happen. Encourage the employee to develop a plan that will work for him or her. But don’t allow ability blocks to become excuses. The person needs a plan that results in on-time arrival.

Often, the person will end up with both short-term and long-term plans. The long-term plan might be to get his or her car repaired; the short-term plan might be to get a ride with his or her spouse. By the end of this crucial confrontation, the person should explicitly agree on who will do what by when. Take care that you don’t transfer the burden to your back. People need to develop a viable solution that they buy into. And they need to understand that, if their solution doesn’t work, consequences will be imposed.

3. Impose the consequences. It sounds as if you have arrived at this step. If you don’t think you had a full and frank crucial confrontation, then feel free to have it now. However, if you have already had the crucial confrontation, the latecomers have already agreed on a plan, and they have failed to live up to their agreements, it’s time to impose consequences.

Take care to involve the right people in your up chain—your manager and HR—where appropriate. Try to avoid blindsiding anyone.

Before you meet with an employee, take some time to get your head and your heart right. Ask yourself what you really want—you want the person to be successful somewhere, but you can’t continue the costs to patients and your team. Then meet with the employee and explain the situation—you established a plan you both agreed to, and the employee has failed to live up to it—and the next step in the disciplinary process. Master your stories, and keep the dialogue professional. Create as much safety as possible, but understand that the employee is likely to be hurt or angry.

4. Dealing with others. When an employee is terminated, it’s normal for other employees to feel sympathy for that employee. It’s also normal for people to feel some fear about whether they will be next. You can’t share personnel information or feed the rumor mill. My guess is that, while many will have sympathy and empathy for the person, they will also feel relief that they won’t have to carry that person’s load any longer.

Best wishes for this next period. You should feel proud of yourself for stepping up to these tough conversations. Without your actions, problems like these would linger, festering in your team and undermining your ability to treat your patients.

Best,
David

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Kerry Patterson is author of three bestselling books, Influencer, Crucial Conversations, and Crucial Confrontations.
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This year I’ve decided to give you (kind readers) a Valentine’s Day gift. I know it’s a few days late, but since my present is neither candy nor flowers (and won’t decay) I think the gift I have in mind will do just fine. I’m giving you a nonperishable story of a Valentine’s Day I experienced some thirty-five years ago. It’s a tale that I believe might help lift your spirits some day when you’ve done something—how does one put it?—not all that clever. Plus the story provides a nice reminder of the importance of keeping focused on what you really want.

It all started one Saturday evening when I suddenly realized that I only had an hour to buy my wife a Valentine’s Day gift. Since Louise was working on a project across campus (I was a grad student at the time), I loaded our six- and four-year-old daughters into the back seat of our Volkswagen bug, strapped our six-month-old son into one of those plastic baby carriers, and headed off to the nearest shopping center I could find.

Soon, with Becca, Christine, and a Raggedy Ann doll connected to me in a daisy chain of hand holds and Taylor swinging gently in the plastic carrier clutched in my other hand, we found ourselves scurrying through a very high-end shopping center that was close to our apartment—but unlike any place I’d had ever been before (it didn’t have “Mart” or “O-rama” in the title). It was chock-full of wealthy, beautifully attired, perfectly coiffed people who frequented the luxurious stores that surrounded us.

Since I had been cleaning my outdoor grill when it struck me that I needed to buy a gift, I didn’t look much like the prim and proper patrons around me. I looked more like the Maytag repairman, and my kids appeared as if they had just been plucked from the sand pile in our back court. Which they had. The shoppers’ genial smiles turned into looks of disapproval as they scrutinized our scruffy clothes, our home-cut hair, and our barely opposable thumbs.

Eventually the four of us found our way to the home center of a posh department store where they had on display the very present my wife had hinted she wanted—a variable speed blender, complete with pulse control. Soon, a perky clerk was wrapping up a bright red blender I had chosen in honor of Valentine’s Day. I knew that a household appliance wasn’t as romantic as, say, a diamond necklace, but you have to ask yourself: Can you whip up a batch of pureed spinach with a diamond necklace? I don’t think so.

Next, as the clock continued to run, the girls and I scampered out into the shopping center in search of an affordable card. Everything was so expensive. A simple card cost five bucks.

“Daddy,” Christine uttered, “don’t you think . . .”

“Shush,” I blurted as we hurried past one high-end store after another. “I need to find your mother a card.”

“I know,” Christine continued, “but . . .”

“No ifs-ands-or-buts about it. If I don’t find a card, I’m in trouble.”

Seeing that her sister was getting nowhere, three-year-old Becca asked: “Where’s baby Taylor?”

It was like being hit by a bucket of cold water. There in the hand that had once carried my son, was a package containing a variable-speed blender, complete with pulse-control. Where was baby Taylor?

“He’s back in that big store,” Christine offered as she pointed to the far end of the shopping center.

Egads. I had left my son in the middle of the blender display! In a flash I reversed course and headed back to the scene of the crime where I frantically tried to get into the store—repeatedly banging into a locked pair of massive glass doors.

“The place is closed,” explained an older gentleman walking by. “It’s Saturday night.”

“But I left my so . . .” I cut myself off midword. “But I left something inside.”

“You’ll have to go around back to the employee entrance,” the fellow explained.

Moments later the girls and I scurried along a terribly long wall while employees disgorged from a lone door at the far end of the building. The animated employees walking our way were all talking about some idiot who had . . . (well, you can guess). Then, as they saw me frantically hustling along with my two remaining kids in hand, they quickly concluded that I was the fool they had been bad-mouthing.

If looks could kill . . .

The best I could do was smile back lamely. I just wanted my son back.

Eventually my daughters and I found ourselves inside the building and standing next to a knot of folks who were cooing and making other baby noises while my son, still in his plastic container, smiled back politely. I searched for the proper words.

“Has anyone found a baby? It seems I’ve lost one.” No, that would land me in jail for sure.

“Funny thing, I came with three kids and now I only have two. Go figure.” Equally lame.

Eventually I blurted out, “You’ve found my son! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

Pointing out that they had found (rather than I had lost) my son appeared to take the edge off the pack of store clerks. Nevertheless, the lady in charge gave me a long, hard look before barking, “Do you think you can get him home without losing him?”

“I brought my Raggedy Ann,” Christine remarked as she held up her well-worn doll. “And I didn’t lose her.”

“Yes, dear and I’m very proud of you,” I muttered back. Then looking the authority figure directly in the eye I tersely proclaimed, “So, we’ll just be heading on home now.”

With this lame pronouncement fresh off my lips, I snatched up Taylor and retreated out of the massive building.

“Do we tell Mommy the secret?” Christine asked as we walked back to the car.

“No!” I blurted. “We mustn’t tell Mommy that I bought her a variable speed blender, complete with pulse control. It would spoil the surprise and we don’t want to spoil the surprise.”

“I mean. . . how you left Taylor in the middle of the store and then got locked out?”

I was doomed. There was no way I was going to be able to keep the two girls from tattling on me. And sure enough, a few minutes later when we pulled up in front of our apartment, the girls bolted from the car as they rushed to tell mom the exciting news. They kept the blender a secret, but not the fact that I had left their baby brother in a big, scary store. That part of our little escapade they told with great relish.

“You left him in the store and then got locked out?” Louise asked incredulously as I presented her a brightly-wrapped gift.

“True,” I explained, “but you haven’t had a chance to see the gift I bought for you. I was so focused on expressing my love for you with this truly special household item—complete with pulse control—that I lost focus for a second.”

“You didn’t lose focus,” Louise accused, “you lost Taylor!”

“I didn’t lose my Raggedy Ann,” Christine offered.

And so there you have it my friends—my present to you. Never again did I leave a child locked in a department store. I learned my lesson. I learned to stay focused on what really matters.

In addition, I freely admit to my idiocy. That’s the whole point of this story. One day when you’re feeling bad because you missed a deadline at work or maybe you were late picking up your daughter at soccer practice, think of me and my Valentine’s Day debacle. Compared to me, you’ll be a saint. And should a loved one become angry at you for not flossing your kids’ teeth adequately or keeping them from getting hurt on a see-saw, you can say: “True, I messed up. But at least I’m not as bad as that idiot who left his baby in the middle of a blender display!”

That’s my present to you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Joseph Grenny is the author of three bestselling books, Influencer, Crucial Conversations, and Crucial Confrontations.

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Dear Crucial Skills,

Our organization took a hit last year and many people were laid off. I was lucky to stay but now I feel overwhelmed by the amount of work and responsibilities that I’m required to do in others’ absence. I don’t want to look like I can’t handle my workload and I especially don’t want to lose my job as a result of my complaints. How should I approach this tricky situation with my boss?

Signed,
The Survivor

You’re right to consider this a sensitive issue. If, when you leave this conversation, your boss thinks you’re ungrateful to be employed or a pain to have around, you have failed. Next time the ax swings, he or she may well say, “Hmmm . . . ‘Survivor’ seems to want a country club rather than a work place—let’s give him or her a LOT more free time.” That is clearly a bad outcome.

However, there is absolutely no reason you can’t have this crucial conversation—provided you approach it in a way that ensures your boss feels comfortable. In fact, if done right, this conversation will demonstrate even more powerfully why you should be at the bottom of any layoff list.

I highly recommend a new book called Indispensable by Monday written by Larry Myler. Larry’s research suggests there are fourteen behaviors that bosses prize highly in employees and that make them terribly reluctant to let these employees go. The good news is that the list of fourteen does not include sucking up, maintaining appearances, or “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.” While these advantages may make a marginal difference, the most prized behavior for any employee comes when . . . drum roll . . . they bring in much more money than they cost.

Now, I’m not going to go into all the details of how any employee can have profit impact—irrespective of whether they are in a direct revenue role or a back office job. But I will suggest that the brilliance of Myler’s point is that if you frame the conversation with your boss in a way that shows your intention is to maximize your impact on your team and your company, you’re likely to find the freedom to raise any concerns you have.

So, here’s the question you must answer before you speak to your boss: What three to four things am I doing now as a result of layoffs that are distracting me from making my best and highest contribution to my team and company?

If you’re not careful, you’re likely to come across as a bureaucrat rather than a business person. If you come into the conversation with your list of gripes, complaining that you’re doing work that’s not in your job description, or that staffing levels are too low to keep up, you’re adding to your boss’s headaches without any compensating payoff. This isn’t about mutual purpose, it’s about your purpose. Unless your boss is a saint, he or she will likely feel put off and put upon by your approach. After all, your boss’s life probably got more complicated in the past year, too!

So, make a list of all the big tasks that fill most of your time, ask yourself the leverage question, then think about your team and the company’s best and highest use of your expertise. As you consider this question, you may want to take a peek at some of Myler’s fourteen suggestions for how you can make a more significant profit—or if you are in a government or nonprofit role, how you can make a more significant mission contribution. Use these fourteen behaviors to assess what your best and highest use is to the organization. Then prepare a proposal showing the benefit to the company if you decrease time in some lower leverage tasks—and how you might deal with the consequences of minimizing these tasks. For example, propose ways to free up time by any of the following approaches:

· Simplify
· Outsource
· Delegate
· Re-engineer
· Delay
· Eliminate

Now, don’t be disingenuous. Be honest that this will be good for the company and for you. Sympathize with your boss and others who are feeling the same pressures while candidly acknowledging that the added burden has distracted you from things that should be first priority.

My assistant, Joanne, approached me in exactly this way a couple of years ago. She was clearly distraught because quality was slipping in some areas due to her ballooning responsibilities. I knew from her work habits that this conversation had nothing to do with her looking for a serene and contemplative work life. It was about survival—and quality. She carefully detailed the tasks she thought made the biggest contribution. I was putty in her hands because she understood my needs so well that I had no disagreement with her list. Then she continued, “If I continue to do X, Y, and Z—I won’t be able to improve my response time and quality in these areas. At least that’s how it appears to me. If you can see something I’m missing, please tell me. I don’t want to shirk my work.” I couldn’t say a thing, other than, “We’ve got to either eliminate those tasks, or find other ways to get them done.”

She let out a sigh and said, “That’s my proposal too.”

We implemented all of her ideas, and she walked out of my office having convinced me that she was worth far more than what we pay her. Hopefully, someday, we’ll catch up on that!

Best wishes!
Joseph

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Barbara Hauser is a Master Trainer.
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How can I help participants connect Sucker’s Choice to Start with Heart? How would you explain how to take the concept of Sucker’s Choice back to proper motives?

Start with Heart is a powerful principle that encourages participants to do some deep reflection, and at the same time it provides handy thinking tools to use in the heat of a crucial conversation. To link the two, I like to suggest that we really want to take what’s buried beneath a veneer of defensive behaviors and attitudes—that is, our good motives, long-term objectives and desire to work and live collaboratively with others—and make it visible. That way we have a better chance of acting on our best motives, especially when the stakes are high. Working to transform the Sucker’s Choice into a creative new way of looking at our options is also a way of clarifying our motives and seeing the real essence of what we want.

I was working with a woman recently who was having trouble reaching her goal of having an organized, clutter-free home office. It sounded like a reasonable and even simple goal. Having tried and failed many times, though, she was stuck! As she worked through this principle she realized that she had two objectives: On the one hand, she wanted a space that reflected the best of the work she’s capable of doing. On the other hand, she wanted to avoid confronting her husband—a self-proclaimed pack rat! When she reframed her situation to refuse the Sucker’s Choice, she found out that her real motive was to have a smooth, uncluttered working relationship with her husband where they could talk out things that were bothering them and reach decisions they would both support. She found that by just acknowledging the Sucker’s Choice she got much greater clarity for herself—and she could have the right conversation for the right reason.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Al Switzler is author of three bestselling books, Influencer, Crucial Conversations, and Crucial Confrontations.

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Dear Crucial Skills,

With the recent H1N1 scare, I would appreciate any advice on approaching colleagues in a healthcare institution—usually managers and MDs—to stay home when they are sick rather than feel obligated to come to work. I would also appreciate any advice on motivating them to get immunized against the flu without having to force them.

Fighting the Flu

 Dear Fighting,

The recent H1N1 situation illustrated the importance of motivating someone to do something they don’t want to do.

What can we learn about motivation from looking at the situation where people are sick but feel obligated to come to work? As we discuss in Crucial Confrontations, there are a few key concepts that provide the foundation for this discussion.

Consequences Motivate. There are consequences that occur naturally, and there are consequences that are imposed or enforced by others. People make decisions to act based on the consequences they anticipate. As a result, motivation is personal because people see and anticipate different consequences. Almost subconsciously, people assess the positive and negative consequences that are most likely to occur and then they act based on those assumptions.

Help Others See Consequences. We can motivate others by helping them see both the obvious and the more obscure consequences. In your situation, this includes consequences to self, to coworkers, to patients, to coworkers’ and patients’ families, to finances, to reputation, and to the quality of work. When we help others see and feel the consequences, people can change their desire to act in certain ways.

So let’s separate some of the issues in this case. For example, the manager is aching and coughing and trying to decide if she should go to work. What are the consequences of staying home? Positive consequences are that she will feel better physically. Sipping hot chocolate and lounging around the fireplace sounds pretty good. Also, she won’t get anyone else sick. However, she’s not sure she’s that sick and she assumes the probability of getting someone else sick is fairly low.

Negative consequences include not getting paid because she has exceeded her paid time off. This is particularly glaring because she has several bills that are due. She will also miss two meetings because delaying them is impossible. Catching up when she returns will be next to impossible. And while some people might have bad thoughts about her coming to work sick, she can probably avoid these people. Even if she doesn’t avoid them, they probably won’t speak up any way.

The combined value of the anticipated consequences makes the decision easy. If she goes to work, she will get paid, get important work done, and it is highly unlikely she will get anyone sick. More importantly, no one will say anything to discourage her decision. Take note that for a doctor, the financial and productivity consequences might be even more costly and the likelihood that anyone would speak up to the doctor is almost nil.

So as someone who cares about the consequences of spreading germs, what do you do? Here is some advice.

First: Manage expectations as a group around not coming in when sick.
Excellent performance begins with clear expectations. When we make agreements, we often agree on the who, the what, and the how; but we would improve motivation if we focused on the why. Have a discussion about the reasons you are making this agreement and clarify the possible positive and negative consequences. Why should people not come to work when they are sick? Why should they get immunized? Look at it from the perspective of the sick person. What will they lose? What will they gain? What will happen to colleagues and patients?

In addition to sharing the facts, share real stories of what happened in your hospital. Share the story of the nurse who picked up a virus at work and passed it on to her mother who was now in the intensive care unit. Where did the problem start? Usually with colleagues who came to work when they were sick.

Also, talk about the financial consequences or about the trust that might be lost if a colleague makes a commitment. Helping people understand and feel the weight of both clear and obvious consequences helps them make more balanced decisions.

Second: Agree to hold one another accountable.
As a part of your discussion, agree to hold each other accountable and speak up to individuals who come to work sick. Part of that agreement should be that everyone will talk in a way that is safe and professional; they will try to understand and help. Speaking up and holding others accountable is not just the boss’s job; it is everyone’s job.

When we make agreements, clarify expectations, outline natural consequences, and feel able and motivated to speak up, we reap the benefits of having a crucial confrontation. The difference between good teams and organizations and the best teams and organizations is how rapidly and respectfully problems get resolved. Individuals in these teams don’t let issues fester and they don’t let issues destroy relationships. They quickly and respectfully put them on the table and reach a resolution.

Best wishes,
Al

ABOUT THE EXPERT
Steve Willis is a master trainer and vice president of professional services at VitalSmarts.
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During my last trip to the United Kingdom, I found myself struggling to respond to what seemed like a simple question, “Blooming brass monkey weather isn’t it?” Even though the person addressing this question was speaking English, and even though I understood each individual word, I was completely oblivious to what he asked. Even when the conversation continued, I was stuck on that phrase—struggling to figure out the meaning.

After this conversation ended, I sat down to prep for my class. As I reviewed my material, I saw a lot of phrases and expressions that had the potential to create the kind of confusion I had just experienced. So this month, I wanted to talk about teaching VitalSmarts material to culturally diverse groups.

I’ve found the best thing to do in these situations is to translate. I try to identify jargon and VitalSpeak—phrases and expressions we use to name skills or describe ideas—before the class starts so I can be prepared to translate them during the session. For example, when training abroad and talking about a Sucker’s Choice, I might say something like, “We’re now going to look at a Sucker’s Choice, a perceived choice between two options that are both bad,” and follow that with an example. At other times translating is simpler. In Influencer, one of the videos mentions Chex Mix. Before this video plays, I say, “Dr. Wansink is going to mention something called Chex Mix. Chex Mix is a snack made of dry cereal and nuts.”

Then during the class, I’ve also found it very useful to have participants turn to a partner and summarize the main idea of what they’ve just learned. This helps them internalize the idea, and allows the trainer to clarify any misunderstandings. I’ve also had a lot of fun identifying local expressions and phrases for the terms in the material.

So good luck with your trainings, wherever you may be holding them, and always remember to “Eat what you can with your Grandfather’s fork.” Don’t ask me what that means.