ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Al Switzler is coauthor of three bestselling books, Influencer, Crucial Conversations, and Crucial Confrontations. His fourth book, Change Anything, will be available April 2011.

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  Dear Crucial Skills,

I am the president and chairman of a large private school. I recently came on as the president and found the school to be in worse shape than I was previously told. After studying the leadership structure, meeting with teachers and parents one-on-one, and reviewing numerous surveys, I think I need to dismiss the current headmaster. The problem is he has only been here for two years, owns a home in town, and has another home for sale in another state. While I know he needs to be dismissed, I want to be sensitive to his family. How do I sensitively dismiss him while protecting the future of the school? Did I mention it is a Christian school? Sensitivity and perception are important around here. Help!

Signed,
Sympathetic, yet Certain

This situation is certainly challenging. You want to do what’s right and you want to make sure you do not impose unintended consequences as a result of your actions. I’m right with you there. At this point, I think you’ve taken every necessary step to show that you are sympathetic and interested in understanding the situation from multiple perspectives. You have made a careful diagnosis. I commend you for this, and I advise others who face similar tough issues to do the same. Diagnosis comes before prescription.

While you know what you should do, you still wonder how you should do it. Let me address your question in two parts.

First, has the headmaster been given the clarity, the support, and the time to improve? Often when there is a pattern of poor performance, one of these components is missing. Sometimes, there is lack of clarity in what was expected or in the feedback about the person’s performance. Any HR professional can attest that too often in the case of poor performance, behaviors are not documented or clearly noted in the employee’s file.

In the rare case that the poor behavior has been clearly discussed and documented, the next most common problem is that the person has not had the time or access to the resources needed to improve—resources such as training, coaching, mentoring, and feedback. That’s because leaders often assume the employee should already have the skills and judgment to perform. In either case, without the components of clarity, support, and time, questions of fairness will undoubtedly arise. That is why the best organizations have clear, written steps for progressive discipline. The steps are clear to everyone and the process is fair. The reason I bring this up is to ask if you have a progressive discipline process and if so, whether or not you have followed it. If you haven’t, you need to take these steps first. If you did follow it and performance has not improved, then it is time to let the headmaster go and you can do so fairly and confidently.

My second piece of advice concerns what to do next as many groups watch and wait for your decision. If you have followed the progressive discipline steps above and performance has not improved, then you are not helping any of the groups, including the headmaster, if you do not let him go and soon. If he is not effective, staff, faculty, parents, and students—and probably community leaders—will wonder why they have to live with lower than expected performance.

This situation will most likely be painful for the headmaster who, I’m almost certain, comes to work every day feeling bad. Aware that he is not meeting expectations, he probably feels like he is swimming in dark, deep water and something dreadful could happen at any moment. I believe we do a disservice to employees when we avoid letting them go and allow them to feel unsettled and frustrated every day. We need to respectfully remove them from that situation, and to the extent possible, we need to help them transition to the next phase in their lives. That may mean providing a good severance package or serving as a reference for a job we think they can handle. Whatever you choose to do, just make sure to do it with respect.

In conclusion, you need to quickly clarify what is not working and provide the headmaster with a path to improve or to exit. These actions have helped many to improve. If he improves, then your problem is solved. If he does not, then you need to help him out of a painful situation by letting him go. As a leader, your job is to take that action so others in your team or department don’t have to create work-arounds or carry the extra load. This is a leadership lesson worth learning early in your career.

I think you have been sympathetic and you’ve certainly been respectful. Now it is time to be candid and help him out.

Best wishes,

Al

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Joseph Grenny is coauthor of three bestselling books, Influencer, Crucial Conversations, and Crucial Confrontations. His fourth book, Change Anything, will be available April 2011.

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Did you already blow your New Year’s resolution? You’re not alone. It turns out that fewer than one in twenty of us succeed at changing a longstanding habit that has kept us from advancing our career, improving a relationship, getting healthier, or becoming financially fit.

Generally, our change plans fall into one of two traps:

The Willpower Trap—Most of us fail to change because we believe the best predictor of our capacity to change is the quantity of willpower we possess. This common approach to change is all about learning to deny ourselves of a “thrill.” After a few weeks of torture, we succumb to temptation, conclude we lack the fortitude to make it stick, and fall back into bad habits until some life crisis forces us to get back on the cold turkey treadmill.

The Magic Bullet Trap—When we finally give up on willpower, we hope we can kill bad habits with a single new pill, surgery, gadget, or fad. For example, a friend loses weight, and we buy the same diet book. A neighbor gets out of debt with a new iPhone app, so we download it too. It’s only a matter of months before we’re back to bad habits and looking for the next quick fix.

The problem with the magic bullet approach is that it assumes one simple change will get us to overcome deeply intractable patterns of behavior. These change strategies fail because there isn’t one reason we’re doing what we’re doing—there are six sources of influence that shape our choices. Unless we address all six sources, we’re as likely to win at change as a person in a one-against-six tug-of-war.

Luckily, there’s a better way to influence personal change than either willpower or magic bullets. In fact, there’s a way to design personal change that makes you ten times more likely to succeed. This method is based on three simple but powerful ideas that help you understand and engage all of the sources of influence that affect your choices:

Escape the willpower trap. The first step to succeeding at change is realizing the problem is not that you lack will; it’s that you’re blind to the many forces that shape your behavior, and you’re outnumbered six to one by the forces you aren’t taking advantage of.

Become the scientist and the subject. Most of us shop for magic bullets as though someone else might have figured out the key to changing you. They haven’t. No one knows all of the unique dynamics that affect your relationships, career, finances, or health. You’ll have to embark on a scientific study of your own behavior to discover the key to changing you. The science of personal success teaches you an easy way of both understanding and engaging all six of the sources of influence that lead to rapid, profound, and sustainable change.

Turn bad days into good data. When you fail to change, the problem is not you—it’s your plan. When things don’t go well, the science of personal success helps you analyze what was missing from your plan, add it to what you already knew, and move forward to predictable success.

Change literally becomes inevitable when all of the sources of influence that provoke you into bad habits are turned in your favor. It’s time to leave behind failed dependence on willpower or magic-bullet solutions. The dismal record of those approaches speaks for itself. By learning the new science of personal success, it becomes possible to change anything.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kerry Patterson is coauthor of three bestselling books, Influencer, Crucial Conversations, and Crucial Confrontations. His fourth book, Change Anything, will be available April 2011.

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Sometimes when I wake up it’s 1957 and I’m eleven years old. The genesis of this repeated misgiving is rooted in a time from my early childhood when my dad held a job at the local plywood plant and collected payments on magazine subscriptions at night. Between his two jobs, Dad earned enough money to put us just below the poverty line. We lived down a long, lonely, dirt road in a house so small Kareem Abdul Jabbar could have stretched out his arms and spanned the entire structure. But Mom had dreams. She would help us work our way to greater prosperity.

After trying a variety of failed home businesses, Mom read an ad in the local paper placed by an elderly couple who wanted to sell their college boarding house. The massive structure they were selling sat across the street from the local college and housed a gaggle of college girls. Mom immediately borrowed our neighbor’s car, drove to the domicile, met with the aging couple, and talked them into loaning her money so she and Dad could then make a down payment on the home.

“It’s easy,” Mom enthused. “All I have to do is cook breakfast and dinner for seventeen people seven days a week. How hard could that be?” The day after inking the deal, Mom was up at 6:00 a.m. making breakfast—which included throwing bacon on the grill at 6:20 a.m. Eventually, the smell of this frying bacon would awaken me just in time to complete my task of setting the table for the crowd. To this day, when someone arises early at our home and cooks bacon, I wake up to the familiar smell and think it’s 1957.

Thanks to Mom’s dream, our little family had climbed out of a shack in the woods and into a large and comfortable boarding house, but there was never any money left over for things such as vacations and college funds and I was now a teenager with an eye set on a higher education. So Mom put me to work painting the entire boarding house—four hours a day, every day, for three summers. “I’ll pay you when you graduate high school and I send you off to college,” Mom explained one day when I had the audacity to ask for money for the work I was doing.

But how would Mom earn the college money she had promised me? At first, she made wedding cakes. But that was a lot of work for a small profit. She needed to dream bigger. And then, it hit her. She lived across the street from a college, why not attend? So, in 1964 when I graduated from high school, Mom graduated from college and took a full-time job as a teacher—generating, as promised, whatever college funds I lacked.

And Mom’s dreams didn’t end there. After I married and graduated from college, Mom dreamed her way across the country to live near my growing family. After she and dad retired, she dreamed the two of them to Guadalajara, Mexico where they set up affordable living in a small American retirement community.

But not all of Mom’s dreams panned out. “What’s the hole in the backyard?” I asked Mom one day after returning from college to a new home Mom and Dad had moved to while I was away.

“I’m digging a swimming pool,” she explained with a straight face. She and Dad didn’t have the money to build a pool, but if Mom dug a hole, then maybe they’d find a way. Always the dreamer.

A few days later, I overheard a woman at church asking who my mother was. Another woman from the congregation explained, “She’s the lady with the hole in her backyard.” Apparently the word had spread of her harebrained scheme. What middle-aged woman digs her own swimming pool with a hand shovel? And it turns out the detractors were right. Mom never did finish the pool—just the hole.

Throughout her life, Mom had many detractors. “You’ll never be able to buy a boarding house. You have no money.” “You’ll never be able to settle in Mexico. How will you get there?” “You’ll never, you’ll never, you’ll never . . .”

And sometimes they were right. Years of cooking for seventeen people yielded no profits. Dozens of wedding cakes resulted in little money. And then there was always that hole in the backyard. People who only saw that hole and knew nothing of Mom’s other more successful endeavors thought she was zany—even irresponsible. Friends and family who heard of Mom and Dad’s misadventures as they pulled a trailer down the Baja to find affordable housing in Mexico shook their heads in disbelief. “She comes up with these crazy schemes, and then he has to live them,” Dad’s side of the family would lament. Everyone was always taking shots at the dreamer.

But Mom wasn’t your typical, high-profile dreamer. She wasn’t a Cinderella. Cinderella, as did most fairy princesses of her time, dreamed of the day she would be rescued from her plight and taken away to live in a sumptuous castle where she would live happily ever after. Just because she was nice and pretty, she would be rescued.

Unlike Cinderella, Mom never asked for or expected handouts. All she wanted was a chance to work her way to a new station in life. Her dreams always ended with her and Dad (and often me) working our way to the next rung up the ladder.

I share this with you today because with the recent economic downturn and the accompanying malaise, I see far too many people who have the courage to dream, fail. After enduring ridicule from the people around them, they give up. Many simply settle. They take a job they absolutely despise because they need the work and then stay on for years. Or they close their eyes and imagine better times, but in order to reach them they do little more than buy a lottery ticket. They hold out for the mathematically impossible.

Or, perhaps worst of all, they stop dreaming. Instead, they come up with unimaginative plans that lead to marginal improvements. They assume that setting mini-goals will take them to their Valhalla, when, in truth, they need bigger hopes, bigger plans, and a bigger harness. Equally important, when they run into problems (and they will), they need to see setbacks not as evidence that dreaming is futile and silly, but as helpful feedback on what needs to change. In short, they need to dream, try, fail, make adjustments, and then dream again.

And so today (on my mother’s birthday) I honor her and all others who fight for their dreams, despite the naysayers and setbacks. I honor those who not only have the courage to dream, but also the energy to fight for it. I honor those who, despite the occasional loss, dare to create one more dream because, unlike most of us, they open their eyes wide enough to see the fruits of their past efforts—not just the hole in their backyard.

I am pleased to announce that I am down 12 pounds since I submitted my YouTube video. This actually came as quite a shock. I have yet to implement a workout schedule and I have failed to update my change plan with feedback from my support team on changeanything.com. That being said, my nutritional choices have been noticeably healthier and more intentional.

In these early stages, I have received really encouraging feedback from the other VitalSmarts Changers like Terri Moore and Steven Stout. Joseph Grenny’s advice and continued support has set the stage for me to sustainably change my life. From the outset, Joseph made our conversations safe—allowing me to identify important facets of my story that impact my plan. Instead of feeling embarrassed or ashamed, we talked openly about sensitive issues like depression and fear of failure. As a result, Joseph made better informed suggestions and directed me to additional resources that can increase the likelihood of success. My colleagues from The RAD Group, Philip Ragain and Michael Allen, have also given excellent advice. In terms of identifying my Crucial Moments and Vital Behaviors, I feel like my first effort was pretty accurate and will serve me well after a few refinements.

Original Crucial Moments
1) The hunger moment—the moment when I choose to not care about the promise I made to myself to plan meals and eat according to that plan.
2) The tired moment—the moment in the early morning when I choose to ignore my alarm and sleep in instead of going to the gym.
3) The quitting moment—the moment when I decide to quit either temporarily or completely during an exercise.

Original Vital Behaviors
1) Plan my meals 2 weeks in advance and use the plan for shopping and calorie counting.
2) Every night, prepare the next day’s meals and snacks.
3) Call my accountabi¬lity network when I am tempted to eat outside of my nutrition plan.
4) Wake up at 5:30am every morning and drive to 24 Hour Fitness.
5) Take only planned breaks during a workout.

Based on Philip Ragain’s advice, I am going to eliminate Crucial Moment #2. Because mornings are already a lifelong nemesis and there is no reason to schedule my exercise time (already an historically undesired activity) during another undesired activity (waking up early). I think a more appropriate Crucial Moment is the moment when a friend or my “inner good-idea-fairy” suggests I add another project or commitment to my already overwhelming schedule.

With this refinement, I am going to eliminate Vital Behavior #4 and replace it with two others:
1) Don’t schedule personal and business commitments that conflict with my lunch-time workout.
2) Respond to new time/resource commitment requests only after having consulted with a member of my support team.

The greatest insight I have gleaned during this process is that my schedule is out of control. Over time and with the best intentions, I have made commitments to my church, to the Boy Scouts, to friends, family, colleagues and the like. Deep down, I am warmed by the reward that comes from serving others. However, I can’t make even the smallest commitment to my own health with so many potential warm feelings taking up my entire day.

Now, I need to revise my action items. An action item that makes sense is worthless if you lack the time to actually take action. Some of the items will stay, but reality requires I tone down the overall aggressive posture of the plan. My immediate focus will shift toward realigning my calendar to facilitate nutrition planning, a personal workout time during lunch, and a family activity on Saturdays. I am not yet prepared to cancel my existing appointments, but I am committed to restraining my future schedule to align with my health priorities.

I’d like to thank my friends, family, and members of the VitalSmarts Community who have supported me on this journey. I know your continued support will lead to better results than what I could have achieved on my own.

I’ve had great success with my change plan so far—even though the behavior I’m addressing is fairly entrenched. While I know a lot about behavior change, I have never applied this knowledge systematically to this particular problem. Sitting down and spelling (and drawing – see below) it out and posting it in my office has not only been fun, it is already working!

The behavior I am trying to change is my telephone phobia. My reluctance to make phone calls inhibits my ability to grow my business and maintain my personal relationships. What is particularly embarrassing is that I am a great communicator in every other medium—I am a teacher, public speaker, writer, etc.—but for some reason, I just can’t get myself to pick up the phone!

My default future: If I don’t get over this, I won’t generate enough new clients and my business will fail. This will lead to one of three possible negative scenarios: I continue to work my butt off but make no money; I have to get a normal job, spend hours in an office, commute, and lose the flexibility of being self-employed; or, I will just be broke, my wife will resent that I’m not bringing in any income, etc.

My goals: make ten targeted phone calls per week; answer the phone when it rings; and call my family members weekly.

I have two crucial moments:
1) When the phone rings: The moment when I either view the call as a burden or as an opportunity.
2) When I sit down to make calls. The moment I set aside to make calls and find myself easily distracted.

Some of the tactics I’ve implemented so far include:

Source 1: Love what you hate—Instead of viewing incoming calls as a distraction or burden like I used to do, I try to tell myself, “It could be somebody really cool with an exciting job for me!” I even recorded a new ring tone that replaces the typical ring with a knock on the door and my own voice saying, “Opportunity’s knocking!” It REALLY helps. Last Wednesday I answered a call using these thoughts and it turned into a paid gig!

Source 2: Do what you can’t—To address my skills around sales calls, I will read books and attend sales seminars, as well as develop a basic script to which I can refer while making calls.

Source 3 & 4: Seek support from others—I organized an accountability group, and I report my successes and failures to them each week. They also regularly ask me how I’m doing and offer suggestions for success.

Source 5: Inverting the economy—I’ve created a points system to reward myself for each call I make, with higher points for calling folks I don’t know. I am ridiculously responsive to gold stars so this is fun. I’ve also decided that every week I have not made all ten calls, I will send $20 to an organization that really ticks me off.

Source 6: Control your space—In the crucial moment when I sit down to make calls, I realized I’m easily distracted by my computer and e-mail inbox. So, my plan is to take my phone list into another room and completely AWAY from the distractions.

This week I have made all ten calls! It cracks me up every time my phone rings and I hear the knocking, so I am in a good mood and my voice is smiling when I answer.

I am so pleased that this small amount of effort (creating this plan) is already having such great results. I’ve used all these tools before in various ways (losing weight, teaching, smoking cessation) but I have not sat down and created a plan so systematically. Change Anything is very user-friendly and I will be passing the book around (actually my wife has already stolen it!).

More about Eris here: http://www.erisweaver.info/

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Joseph Grenny is coauthor of three bestselling books, Influencer, Crucial Conversations, and Crucial Confrontations. His fourth book, Change Anything, will be available April 2011.

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Dear Crucial Skills,

I live in a very nice, quiet, upscale suburban neighborhood. A new family recently moved into one of the homes and is doing some things that distract from the value of the neighborhood. We have covenants that restrict what is permitted, but enforcing them could be difficult and possibly costly. How can I approach my neighbors personally and express my concerns without making an enemy out of them?

Sincerely,
Not in My Backyard

This will be the shortest answer I’ve ever written. Not because the issue isn’t crucial, but because your options are limited. I say this because I feel your pain!

With that said, here’s how I would approach this situation.

Talk to the right person. If you have a Home Owner’s Association, the association should inform your neighbor of the rules and the penalties for breaking these rules. They should then hold your neighbor accountable. If they aren’t doing this, your conversation should be with the association.

Do your research. You mentioned that your community has covenants, but you need to be sure the covenants are in force. Just because they are in the original neighborhood documents doesn’t mean they’ve been enforced over time. And if they have not been enforced, they may have no legal validity today.

Build the relationship first. If possible, you should build a relationship with your neighbor before you confront him or her about his or her distracting behavior. If your first conversation with the neighbor is about his or her transgression, it will be harder to create safety. To the degree you can help your neighbor unpack boxes, mow his or her lawn, or provide any other kind of assistance, he or she will be less likely to hear your concerns as attacks and characterize you as an enemy and more likely to actually change his or her behavior.

Be direct and polite. If there is no enforcement body and it’s up to you to speak up, then do so. But work on your story first. See them as reasonable people with different habits and perhaps no understanding of your covenants. Do whatever it takes to feel respectful and caring toward them before opening your mouth. Be friendly and polite, but don’t water down your message. If your bottom line is that this is a rule and they have to follow it, say that. For example, “Hey Pat, there’s a goofy thing in our covenants that you may not know about. Trust me, this isn’t a persnickety neighborhood and we’re glad you’re here, but I thought I should let you know before you get too settled so you’ll know how to address it . . .”

Finally, you should decide if this is important enough to you to deal with legally should they refuse to comply—or whether after your attempt at a crucial conversation you prefer to let it slide.

Good luck with your conversation. I’d tell you about mine but I worry about 140,000 of my closest friends finding out!

Joseph

In my late twenties, I lived in Vietnam as an expatriate. I loved eating pizza and having drinks with friends, and when I returned to the corporate office in Copenhagen for my next posting, I weighed 242 pounds.

After a year in Denmark, I took a close look at myself and realized I had to change because I did not want to face the inevitable consequences of my current weight. I have seen other obese people face lifestyle-related diseases such as diabetes and high blood pressure and realized that, if I did not change, I would likely face these same obstacles. This realization motivated me to make the following changes:

Source 1: Love What You Hate — One of my biggest obstacles was changing my attitude about my weight and maintaining that point-of-view. At that time, our company had an unspoken rule that real men don’t weigh less than 220 pounds. I had to redefine normal and train myself to believe real men are healthy and not overweight. I deserved to have a healthy and energetic body that would last a lifetime.

To maintain my weight loss, I knew I had to view this change as a new lifestyle, not just a diet. I reversed my thinking by focusing on my long-term goal instead of the food I ate at each meal. I created healthy menus that also tasted good so I could stick to this plan. I knew my goal of being as healthy as I was when I was younger was attainable. Thinking of my “new identity” was a powerful motivator in weak moments.

I was further motivated by the realization that losing weight would enable me to be a role model for others and show that it is possible to change. I had seen many friends and peers die of untimely heart attacks because they did not take care of themselves, and after visiting my default future, I decided that would not be me!

Source 2: Do What You Can’t — When it came to restructuring my diet, I was fortunate that my parents had a healthy lifestyle. They taught me about the healthy behaviors I’d need to adopt in order to change my habits. I followed my parents’ example and started eating low-calorie breakfasts, lunches, and dinners as well as healthy snacks in between. My parents have always lived a healthy lifestyle—exercising daily and sticking to a healthy diet—and they taught me how to establish healthy habits and achievable goals. They taught me what a healthy lifestyle really is.

Sources 3 & 4: Turn Accomplices into Friends — I knew I needed to involve others in my weight loss efforts so they would hold me accountable. One of my colleagues weighed even more than I weighed and reached a similar realization about his lifestyle, so we started dieting at the same time. We ate lunch together every day, shared our progress, and encouraged each other to continue making healthy changes. I also connected with other colleagues and friends with similar goals to get tips and ideas for optimizing my own diet.

Source 5: Invert the Economy — I motivated myself to stay on track by introducing an important reward. As a life-long pizza lover, I rewarded myself with a pizza dinner every Saturday evening if I had stayed on track throughout the week. This weekly reward kept me motivated.

My colleague and I also made a bet. We committed to lose a minimum of forty-four pounds and determined that the loser would treat the winner to dinner. Although it was a small bet, it helped me keep my eyes on my end goal.

Source 6: Control Your Space — I knew that to make a complete change, I needed to restructure my space in a way that supported my new habits. Before, I kept junk food close by so to keep with my diet I cleaned out my house and got rid of all of my junk food, soft drinks, and candy. I threw away everything that was unhealthy, and I also stopped going out with friends and drinking alcohol.

To help me stay on track, I weighed myself every morning so I could watch my progress. This daily information kept me motivated. Over time, I began to understand that even if my weight fluctuated from week to week, a bad week with little to no weight loss might lead to a weight loss of four pounds the next week. This daily check-in kept me focused and provided me with immediate feedback on my progress to meet my ultimate goal.

By incorporating each of these small changes, I lost approximately two pounds each week, and within five months, reached my goal of losing forty-four pounds. This took place thirteen years ago, and I have since maintained my weight and my lifestyle. Eventually, I added exercise to my plan and now exercise an hour every day. Change is possible when you engage several sources of influence.

Editor’s Note: Similar stories of inspiring change will be featured in Change Anything, our upcoming book about personal change due to be released in April. If you have an inspiring story of personal change, please send it to editor@vitalsmarts.com and include “Change Anything Story” in the subject line of your e-mail.

ABOUT THE EXPERT
Steve Willis is a Master Trainer and Vice President of Professional Services at VitalSmarts.
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“You have about ten minutes with this group. If you don’t get them engaged in the first ten minutes, you’re done.” These were the first words out of Seth’s mouth during a phone call to prepare for an upcoming session. The next were, “If it were any other group it would be different, but this group is special.” I don’t think Seth knew how mistaken he was.

You see, Seth didn’t realize that regardless of the background, the level, the experience, you’ve got about ten minutes to get them engaged. This is a crucial moment in the training experience—a time when the participants decide how much attention they are going to give to you and the material. So how you spend that first ten minutes becomes very important to the experience you and your group will have.

Many times, I’ve seen trainers allow those ten minutes to be filed with too much fluff, and not enough stuff from the program. Next time you’re training, take some time to prep that first ten minutes to see if you can more quickly and effectively engage the participants with an exercise, video, story, example, or case study that will grab their attention and their willingness to give you their second ten minutes of attention (but that’s a topic for next time).

What are your thoughts? Suggestions?

ABOUT THE EXPERT
Steve Willis is a Master Trainer and Vice President of Professional Services at VitalSmarts.
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I find that participants struggle to understand what the summary questions mean at the end of each section (“What would you be seeing…that would indicate that you should use this skill set?”). What suggestions do you have in helping them understand and really benefit from these questions?

The purpose of this question at the end of the lesson is to get them to think about and identify cues. So often we have participants who walk out of a session with a good understanding of the skill, having applied it to a Acid Test scenario they’re facing, and then completely miss the opportunity to use their newly acquired skills back at their jobs or at home. One of the reasons is because they haven’t prepared themselves to generalize how and, more specifically, WHEN they should use their skills.

So with that in mind, you may want to try to reframe the questions a little to help the participants create cues with something like, “What would you be seeing in yourself or in others that would be a cue for you to employ this skill set?” or “See you if you can identify three early warning signs you could use to help you use this skill when it matters most.” or “When or where do you think this skill would work best?”

Hope this helps,
Steve Willis

Meet the Change Anything Challengers, three people with common challenges who are looking to make big changes in 2011.

We met these changers when they shared their story with us in the Change Anything in 2011 Challenge. Each one has struggled for years to accomplish life goals, get the promotion they deserve, or feel healthy and beautiful. Motivated by their loved ones, career goals, and personal dreams, each has committed to share their journey of change with us.

Over the next three months they will apply the science of personal change from our new book, Change Anything, to their specific challenge. They will identify the crucial moments keeping them from their goal, determine the vital behaviors that will lead to their success, and develop a six-source plan for securing the change they’ve dreamed of for years. But first…

Meet Bobby. Bobby is a decorated army veteran who has served two combat tours of duty in Iraq. The one thing keeping him from being promoted to Major and continuing to serve his country is 50 extra pounds that he can’t seem to lose. Motivated by his wife and four children who depend on the benefits of his Army career, Bobby is looking to finally lose the weight and earn the promotion he deserves.

Meet Terri. Terri has struggled for the past 20 years with her weight. But after years of struggling, she is finally ready to change. Motivated by her two beautiful daughters who have come to her asking to have a “healthy mommy”, Terri is ready to achieve her goal of losing 50 pounds.

Meet Steve. For the past 5 years, Steve has been on the brink of earning his Master’s degree. While his course work is complete, the one thing standing in his way from getting his diploma is his thesis project. Due to an intense travel schedule, Steve’s thesis remains unfinished. His goal is to finish his thesis by October 31–making him better qualified for future promotions.

Help our changers accomplish their goals! Your comments can provide the social motivation they need to keep going.