The Challenge
As the housing market flourished over the last thirty years, Gallery Furniture enjoyed years of profitable sales and growth. But with the burst of the housing bubble in late 2007, the furniture retailer took a hard hit.

“When the housing business fell through the roof, we saw a huge decrease in our customer base,” says Jim “Mattress Mack” McIngvale, owner of Gallery Furniture. “In order to grow during the recession, we had to innovate or else we were going to evaporate.”

It was that need to innovate and take a larger share of the dwindling furniture market that caused McIngvale to go looking for a model to change behavior within his 150-person company.

“I could do as much blubbering, cajoling, screaming, and hollering as I wanted to try to get my team to change behavior, but I knew it wouldn’t get us where we needed to go,” says McIngvale. “I was looking for a process that would get my people to want to change their behavior and act in ways that give the customers what they’re looking for.”

The Training
A voracious reader, McIngvale skimmed a review of Influencer in the newspaper and was interested enough to pick up the book. After reading it, he thought, “These guys really get it.” It wasn’t long before he asked the experts at VitalSmarts to train his leadership team in Influencer Training. The group of twenty leaders spent the entire session focused on the challenges facing their business and implementing the Influencer principles into their goals.

After his management team was trained, McIngvale ensured that everyone in his company—from the furniture loaders to the truck drivers to the sales team—also got trained. Over the next year, 150 employees went through Influencer Training, and McIngvale occasionally invited outside vendors and key customers to attend sessions.

“We now use Influencer Training and the other VitalSmarts training courses as the main management tool for the whole business,” McIngvale reflects.

The Solution: Read our case study to learn how Gallery Furniture used the Influencer model to innovate the way they do business.

We want to help one deserving person change their life by giving them a seat in an upcoming Change Anything Training public workshop. The selected winner will also receive a $200 travel stipend to get them to the VitalSmarts public course nearest them (Total value: $895).

Enter to win our training giveaway by joining us on Facebook and telling us which behavior you would change if you were selected to attend training.

Find a Change Anything public workshop in your area.

Join us in celebrating the launch of our newest training program, Change Anything Training—a one-day course that teaches individuals stuck in life- and career-limiting habits a proven method for driving rapid and sustainable behavior change. Learn more:

Find a Change Anything public workshop in your area.

This letter was received in response to a question Kerry Patterson answered in the June 22, 2011 Crucial Skills Newsletter titled, “How to Eliminate Sarcasm.”

Dear Kerry,

Your response to my question was very useful in helping me find the next steps I needed to take.

I shared your article with my wife and family and explained to them that I wanted to change. They recognized the behavior straight away and agreed these were exactly the type of responses they could expect from me—sometimes humorous but often hurtful sarcasm.

I invited them to continue calling me on that behavior each and every time they saw it. They entered their role with unexpected enthusiasm, and I ate from a humble pie dish as I started to learn new habits.

Having gotten buy-in from my most severe critics, I took the next step. I explained to my work colleagues that I exhibited this behavior, but I wanted to change and needed their help to do so. After some initial doubt as to my sincerity, they too entered into the spirit and have been open in their feedback.

Your advice in bringing everyone into the picture was instrumental in helping me along this path. I occasionally lapse into sarcastic behavior, but I have a group of folks around me more than willing to continue to help me. I sometimes forget, but others do not and I get that direct, non-punishing feedback I asked them to provide.

Chagrinned

Editor’s Note: If you would like to share similar feedback about how the authors’ advice has helped you, please e-mail us at editor@vitalsmarts.com.

We’re pleased to announce that Beka Raden is the winner of our monthly drawing. She will receive a signed copy of one of our New York Times bestselling books.

Subscribe to the Crucial Skills Newsletter for your chance to win!

According to our recent poll, nearly one in ten people know someone who made their boss’s naughty list and was fired for inappropriate behavior at an office party.

The poll also revealed the most frequent concerns employees have concerning office parties:
1. How long to stay
2. Socializing with upper management
3. The level of drinking among coworkers
4. How friendly to be with colleagues
5. How to dress

The key word in the expression “office party” is office, not party. You can party almost anywhere you want, but when colleagues, bosses and possibly even clients are around, that is no ordinary party and you’ll need to act accordingly.

Here are five tips for surviving your holiday office party:
1. Linger longer—If you can only come for a moment or two, you’d better have a plausible explanation as to where you’re going after—and it can’t be a more popular or fun-sounding party. When it comes to leaving, take your cue from the majority. Leave when most people are leaving.
2. Make small talk with the big guys—Socializing with upper management is like eating caviar, a small amount should go a long way. When you do chat, keep the topic light and party-relevant. Don’t seek recognition or brag. If anything, be the bearer of compliments.
3. Stay sober—Drink what you want in the privacy of your home. But at work, do not lose control. Ever. No matter what others are doing. If you say things to coworkers that you wouldn’t say when completely sober, you could pay the consequences for years to come.
4. Keep it casual with coworkers—Obviously, you’re expected to be more friendly, jovial, and personal within a party environment. However, if you’ve been interested in striking up a more friendly and intimate relationship with a special colleague at work, the office party is not the place to take your first shot.
5. Dress to impress—Ask around and find out what others are wearing. The invitation may suggest the attire, but you never know how the suggestion will be translated, so check with your coworkers. Then, dress slightly above the average.

One of the greatest gifts you can give to others is the ability to hold high-stakes conversations, respectfully confront others about their bad behavior, and influence change.

Enter to win one of ten signed hardcover copies of Crucial Conversations as well as a $20 Amazon gift card (total prize valued at $50) by sharing the Crucial Skills blog via Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn or your favorite social networking Web site, then e-mail us a link to the individual tweet or update. Each time you share the blog and e-mail us, you will be entered in our giveaway. Ten winners will be selected on Saturday, December 31.

When I took the Crucial Confrontations course at the end of September, my intent was to improve my conflict resolution facilitation skills. Within a few weeks of completing the course, I helped a key member of an organization get unstuck, see another story, and take a path to action that avoided a potential relationship blow-up. The added tools in my utility belt were a good fit. However, I really wasn’t expecting to have to call on them for myself since my personal and business relationships were pretty solid. True, I did have a mild case of masking to deal with, but I felt fairly good about my ability to carry on meaningful and important conversations. Maybe I was a little too smug about my skills, because they were soon put to the test.

November rolled around and I was leading a meeting to explore a possible process change. Before the meeting started, one of the directors pushed one of my hot buttons. He began to challenge, no denigrate, the validity and effectiveness of an initiative I was championing. The atmosphere went hostile in a moment. Before I knew it, my emotions went into hyperdrive. I could literally feel the blood leaving the reasoning part of my brain. Others in the room watched in amazement (some with horror) as they saw that I was visibly agitated. Some meeting attendees later told me they thought, “What is going to happen next?”

At the same time, it was like I was having an out-of-body experience. I began to think about the steps towards building a shared meaning even though I was steaming. The director was clearly out of line; nevertheless, I didn’t want to blow-up and make things worse. I was tempted to mask and go silent, stewing in my anger. So, I forced myself to think about some of the class exercises (it’s amazing how quick the mind can work). I put together my first sentence in response: “This adversarial behavior is not helping our meeting.” Maybe this wasn’t the best choice of words, however, calling things as they were did stop him in his tracks. I regained composure, asked to set up a separate meeting with him later to discuss his concerns, and then continued with the meeting. There was still a little tension left, but not near what it could have been. Several attendees came to me in private and thanked me for standing up. I’m still working things out with the director; however, our conversations are much more honest and I think he has a newfound respect for me. The Crucial Confrontations approach really does work!

If you have a Before and After story you’d like to share, please send your story to beforeandafter@vitalsmarts.com.

Inside Steve’s Brain, Expanded Edition by Leander Kahney – This book about Steve Jobs and Apple is an insightful look into the contradictory, messy, passionate job of leadership and brilliance—lest we conclude that life really is about following a career plan and checking tasks off a to-do list.

Leading Change by John P. Kotter – I find it such a powerful idea to make a distinction between “managing change” and “leading change.” His eight-stage process is a practical and useful map for organizational change.

The Soul of a New Machine by Tracy Kidder – This 1981 book won the Pulitzer Prize for non-fiction and deserves a read every couple of years to remind ourselves about the “real world of work” with its psychological torture tests and draconian management techniques and the real people who have dedication, passion, commitment, and pain. It reminds me why we do what we do.

Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box by the Arbinger Institute – This is a powerful description of how the impediments of self-deception and systemic collusions paralyze us and undermine our most important relationships. Recognizing and breaking through these barriers frees us to realize our best intentions.