In last month’s Change Anything column, we published an inspiring story from Michael Vitali. This month, Michael shares the specific strategies he used to overcome his addictions.

I started smoking cigarettes when I was eleven years old. Since then, I’ve abused every drug on the market: speed, heroine, meth, LSD, prescription drugs. You name it—I’ve been addicted to it. My pursuit of temporary freedom started me on a twenty-year downward spiral in which I alienated my family, lost friends, sabotaged my career, experienced homelessness, and served multiple jail sentences.

After years of denial, I finally admitted that I was an alcoholic and drug addict, and realized I could not continue my current lifestyle without suffering the consequences. When I was released from prison, I started making changes I knew would be necessary to get my life back on track. To change my life I knew I had to make changes in every area of my life. Here’s how I succeeded.

Personal Motivation: Love What You Hate—In prison, I found myself saying, “This is not your life!” I cried to God for help and made a commitment to never lose control of my addictive personality again. After my release, my sponsor gave me advice I’ll never forget: “Anything you put before your sobriety—whether it’s your family, friends, or job—you will lose.”

I remind myself of these experiences often and make my sobriety my number one priority and focus. Whenever I see people drinking, I say to myself, “Drinking is not for you. You can’t handle it. It’s not an option.” I try to focus on what I really want out of life, and that picture doesn’t include drugs or alcohol.

Personal Ability: Do What You Can’t—I began attending AA meetings three times a day. I also engaged in group therapy and counseling. In these sessions, I learned about chemical dependency and the techniques needed to live a joyous and substance-free life. Specifically, I learned how to relate to other human beings, basic life skills such as making coffee and cleaning, and most importantly, how to control my anger and emotions through talking through my problems rather than taking drugs and alcohol.

I also went back to school and earned a bachelor’s degree in Elementary Education. I started a successful career doing leadership development for an organization that provides housing and treatment for youth with behavioral and emotional problems.

Social Motivation and Ability: Turn Accomplices into Friends—I stopped hanging out with my partying friends—or rather, they stopped hanging out with me because I only wanted to go to AA meetings or out for coffee. My friends from AA became my support network. I learned from them how to behave and interact with people again. In fact, one of my AA friends offered me my first post-prison job.

I also called my sponsor daily to report on my progress and receive encouragement. My mother sent “I Believe in You” cards to me. They simply said, “Dear Michael, I.B.I.Y. Love, Mom.” Among other things, support from friends and family motivated me to stay straight.

Structural Motivation: Invert the Economy—I recognized the physical and psychological costs of my bad behavior and decided I did not want to lose control again. The fear of returning to prison constantly motivated me to stay sober.

Structural Ability: Control Your Space—After prison, I moved in with my mom. I knew she was the only one who would get all of the drugs and alcohol out of the house. In college, I lived alone so I could maintain control of my environment and be less stressed. I never went to bars or parties where alcohol was served, and I always made sure I had a car or a bike so I would be able to get to my AA meetings.

I have not had the compulsion to drink or take drugs in twenty years. I use my past experiences to constantly improve the quality of my future. The changes that have taken place in my life are difficult to put into words. When I reflect on my life over the past few years, I can honestly say I like what I see. What was once dark, foreboding, and full of despair has become a joyous and rewarding life.

Editor’s Note: Similar stories of inspiring change will be featured in our upcoming book about personal change due to be released Spring 2011. If you have an inspiring story of personal change, please send it to editor@vitalsmarts.com and include “Change Anything Story” in the subject line of your e-mail.

editor Change Anything

By Michael Vitali

Editor’s Note: We are pleased to announce a new monthly column featuring inspiring stories of personal change. These stories will be featured in our upcoming book about personal change due to be released Spring 2011.

I started smoking cigarettes when I was eleven years old. Since then, I’ve abused every drug on the market: speed, heroine, meth, LSD, prescription drugs. You name it—I’ve been addicted to it.

My pursuit of temporary freedom started me on a twenty-year downward spiral in which I alienated my family, lost friends, sabotaged my career, experienced homelessness, and served multiple jail sentences. I tried various methods to quit: drug rehab, AA meetings, and substituting hobbies and relationships for drugs.

Shortly after an early rehab session, I was hired by a well-respected, family-owned resort. The next eight months were evidence that sober living was full and rewarding. My career moved forward, my spirits soared, and it looked as though my treatment in rehab was a complete success.

However, chemical dependency is a subtle foe. After work, I began to “wind down” with a couple of drinks. What innocently began as social drinking quickly snowballed into full-blown alcoholism. Unable to control the addiction, my job performance suffered and I lost interest in anything beyond alcohol.

The promise of a rewarding career, a fulfilling life, and a sober existence disappeared with the job I had worked so hard to attain. Having abused every hand of friendship and alienated my family, I had nowhere to turn.

I started a new life in Arizona. But away from the scrutiny of family and friends, I quickly spiraled into the depths of chemical dependency. My life got progressively worse as my tolerance for alcohol and drugs increased. Loneliness, fear, despair, and frustration became my constant companions. I lost every material possession, I could not hold a steady job, and my friends were tired of supporting me and my habit. I then turned to theft and was soon arrested for shoplifting and spent three months in jail. Upon my release, I was homeless, destitute, and hopelessly addicted.

It was not long before I was in trouble with the law again and was sentenced to prison on the charges of theft, possession and manufacture of drug paraphernalia.

My imprisonment was a pivotal experience. After years of denial, I finally admitted that I was an alcoholic and drug addict. I began recalling my drug abuse, crimes, homelessness, and current state in prison. I found myself saying, “This is not your life!” I cried to God for help and made a commitment to never lose control of my addictive personality again.

After my release from prison, I began attending AA meetings three times a day. I engaged in group therapy and counseling to learn how to control my anger and emotions. Each day, I learned more and more about chemical dependency and the techniques needed to live a joyous and substance-free life.

editor Change Anything

Author Joseph Grenny shares crucial conversations tips to ask for vacation time from work. Watch and hear his tips for succeeding in this hard-to-hold discussion.

editor Influencer

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

David Maxfield is coauthor of the New York Times bestseller, Influencer.

READ MORE

Dear Crucial Skills,

Do you have any resources related to the Influencer model for dealing with racism in the workplace?

Dealing with Racism

Dear Dealing,

This year alone, employees from four organizations approached me about handling racist incidents including nooses hanging over lockers, swastikas painted on doors, hate language written on bathroom mirrors, and racist epithets used during large meetings.

I’ll use our Influencer model to show how an organization can set and enforce a “zero tolerance” standard around racism.

Determine the results you want. In dealing with such a nebulous problem like racism, it’s important to focus on one result. I recommend your result be to create and maintain a safe and productive work environment that is free of intimidation, threats, or harassment.

Identify vital behaviors. Focus on the behaviors that drive your desired result. I recommend two vital behaviors:
1. Eliminate racist actions, including behaviors that any member of the organization finds intimidating, threatening, or harassing.
2. Promote inclusive actions, including behaviors that support diversity in the workforce.

Build a six-source influence model. Racism is supported by a set of beliefs, behaviors, norms, and structures. The solution must be similarly comprehensive. Our research shows combining at least four, and preferably all, of the six sources of influence creates a solution that is ten times more likely to lead to success. Below are four sources of influence organizations combating racism might choose to target.

Structural Motivation: Reward respectful behaviors and punish racism. For example:

• Establish a zero-tolerance policy for racist talk, writing, and symbols. Make it clear that violators will be terminated as well as prosecuted.
• Use performance reviews and promotion systems to track and reward people for eliminating racist actions and for promoting an inclusive workplace.

Social Motivation and Social Ability: Use formal and informal leaders to enforce social norms of zero tolerance. For example:

• Have senior leaders take strong actions that show their commitment to eradicating racism. One of our clients found slurs written in a men’s bathroom. Senior leaders brought in private investigators who swept for fingerprints and interviewed employees. The investigation convinced everyone that leadership was serious about eliminating racism.
• Identify opinion leaders from diverse job titles, departments, seniority levels, and racial groups and have
  them evaluate, endorse, and partner with managers to lead the initiative.

Personal Ability: Build awareness, share experiences, and teach skills related to eliminating racism and furthering inclusiveness. For example:

• Expose subtle forms of racism—actions that may be unintentional and yet hurtful.
• Train people in how to confront and report racist incidents, and make sure they understand their responsibility to report these incidents.

Personal Motivation: To change behavior, make racism a moral issue. People must cringe when they witness or learn of situations involving intimidation, threats, and harassment. Here, the most powerful strategies are those that demonstrate the personal toll of racism. For example:

• Make the connection between racist actions and violence. Frame the issue in terms of morals and safety.
• Find formal and informal leaders who can tell stories about how racism has impacted their lives.
• When staffing facilities, departments, and projects, have people from diverse backgrounds work together to build understanding and empathy.

I’ve used the six sources of influence to brainstorm a wide variety of strategies. Now I call on you to build on the ideas I have here. What have you seen that worked in combating racism? I look forward to learning from you all.

David

editor Influencer

ABOUT THE EXPERT
Neil Staker is founder of PeopleSmart Solutions and a Master Certified Trainer in Crucial Conversations, Crucial Confrontations, and Influencer Training.
ABOUT NEIL
BOOK NEIL

I love the Olympics—hard work, stress, anxiety, competition, disappointment, and triumph—all packed into one crucial moment. I was particularly drawn to bronze medalist, and Canadian figure skater, Joannie Rochelle. Her mother unexpectedly died from a heart attack just two days before Joannie skated her short program.

Under extraordinary stress and emotional turmoil, Joannie still managed to do her best when it mattered the most. The Olympians who did their best experienced joy even if they didn’t get a medal. Those who didn’t live up to their potential were disappointed—sometimes even when they received a medal.

We all face crucial moments when we want to do our best to be both candid and caring. Unfortunately we often feel the disappointment and frustration of falling short when we clam up or blow up. What makes the difference between success and failure in these crucial moments? Let’s go back to Joannie for a deeper look at two variables: emotional control and practice.

Emotional Control
We often go into a crucial conversation with the best of intentions, then something goes wrong and we end up angry, frustrated, scared, or hurt. If we don’t have the tools to control our emotions, they’ll end up controlling us. Listen to how Cynthia Phaneuf, a teammate, described Joannie after the short program. “She skated kind of like a computer. She didn’t let her emotions get to her. That’s how she needed to skate—she can’t be distracted by emotions.” When facing a high stakes, emotionally divisive conversation, we need to do the same. Negative emotions can cause poor performance.

Practice
In Joannie’s own words, “I went to Vancouver expecting to go into a battle, and that battle was obviously tougher than expected.” In an interview she talked about how the hours of practice took over as she skated. Unfortunately, while many of us frequently find ourselves in tough situations, we spend very little time practicing the mental, emotional and verbal skills of dialogue. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if your honed skills kicked in the next time you found yourself in a difficult conversation?

* Cynthia Phaneuf quote from the NY Daily News, February 25, 2010.

editor Influencer

VitalSmarts’ most popular junior scientist, Hyrum Grenny, conducts a playful experiment to solve America’s hand-hygiene problem—a problem that leads to infection and avoidable medical errors. In fact, in America’s hospitals, hand washing compliance rates hover between 30 to 50 percent! Watch as Hyrum teaches strategy and principles to change behavior using a group of 80 unsuspecting kids and cupcakes.

Please share this video with your teams, organizations, friends, and family. To spread these powerful principles of influence, consider:

• E-mailing this link to your colleagues: http://www.crucialskills.com/2009/09/all-washed-up/
• Embedding the video on your blogs and Web site with the following code:
  <object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/osUwukXSd0k&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0×3a3a3a&color2=0×999999"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/osUwukXSd0k&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0×3a3a3a&color2=0×999999" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object>

Would you like to solve hand hygiene problems in your organization? What about changing other entrenched behaviors that are returning dismal results?
Influencer Training is a step-by-step strategy for solving entrenched problems by changing behavior. Learn how you can bring this award-winning training into your organization today by calling us at 1-800-449-5989 or visiting our Web site.

Or, consider booking a VitalSmarts speaker to discuss principles of influence with your teams and organizations. For speaking information call or visit our Web site.

editor Influencer

VitalSmarts has captured vignettes of some of the most sensitive crucial conversations. Watch as one boss is faced with an awkward performance review, or as a couple tries to talk with their elderly father about his ability to drive. Let us know what you think about our latest round of videos.

For more humorous videos of timely crucial conversations, visit www.vitalsmartscanhelp.com.

editor Crucial Confrontations, Crucial Conversations, Influencer