My wife and I were in financial distress. We had $10,000 in credit card debt, lived month-to-month, and didn’t have any savings because every penny we earned went toward our large mortgage or to pay child support from my previous marriage. We were frustrated, out of control, and just plain stuck.

We had a budget, but we constantly adjusted it to meet our wants and rationalized purchases we couldn’t afford. For example, we bought a new car without considering whether or not we could afford it. After a few months we realized our “fun car” was a burden—the payments were too high and we rarely drove it.

That was our turning point. We realized our seemingly small purchases added up. We committed to make the changes necessary to get our lives under control. Within a few months, we saved thousands of dollars by making the following changes.

Source 1: Love What You Hate—One of our greatest challenges was changing the way we thought about money. We realized spending money crowded our life rather than enhancing it. My wife went on a no shopping spree and realized not spending money was actually rewarding. She learned to love what she hated. I now repeat inspirational phrases such as “a penny saved is a penny earned” to remind myself that I am much happier when I save. When we eliminate expenses, I think of it as getting a raise because it means we have more money in the bank. Changing the way we think made all the difference.

Source 2: Do What You Can’t—We wanted to change our habits, but we honestly didn’t know how. Luckily, my coworker shared Total Money Makeover with us and we found a place to start. We built on this knowledge by visiting the public library and checking out books and movies (for free) that helped us learn how to save. This gave us an opportunity to spend quality time together. In fact, we enjoyed the library so much that we canceled our cable subscription and rented movies from the library.

With our new knowledge, we created a new budget and identified expenses we could eliminate. One of our most liberating changes was selling the “fun car” and riding the bus to work. Because my company pays for public transportation, we saved thousands of dollars by making this one change.

I also went through Crucial Conversations Training and learned how to effectively talk to my wife about finances. We are now comfortable holding each other accountable and talking about our finances honestly and respectfully.

Sources 3 & 4: Turn Accomplices into Friends—We realized that we enabled each other’s bad habits by allowing the other person to alter the budget. We learned to hold each other accountable for spending money and now talk before spending $50 or more.

We also meet regularly with coworkers and friends who are interested in financial fitness. We encourage each other, follow up on commitments, and share ideas for saving money. This support has helped us change our behavior and stick to our financial plans.

Source 5: Invert the Economy—To change our behavior, we reversed our thinking by focusing on the long-term rewards instead of short-term gratification. We are motivated to stick to our budget and say “no” to spending because we now understand the importance of retirement. In addition to maxing out Roth IRA accounts for retirement, we established escrow accounts for new cars, vacations, and other large purchases. We also established an emergency fund and saved six months of salary in case we lose our jobs.

We also reward ourselves by going on a weekly date. This rewards us in the short term for things that often don’t pay off for months or years.

Source 6: Control Your Space—In order to take control of our spending, we had to control our environment. We realized that in addition to our mortgage payment, we spent a lot of money on home improvement projects. We also realized these expenses were often unnecessary so we sold our house and bought a town home. We removed the temptation for home improvement and reduced our mortgage payments.

We realized we would need additional income to pay our current bills so I took another job umpiring baseball games. Not only is this something I love, but it also helps me avoid spending because I have less free time and therefore opportunity to spend impulsively.

We also maintain control by tracking our purchases in a spreadsheet that we review regularly. It helps us identify exactly where our money is going and where we can cut back.

We are now debt free, save 15 percent of our earnings for retirement, and make extra payments on our mortgage. I pay all of my child support bills as well as save for vacations, cars, and other large purchases. This life-altering change has improved our relationship and given us freedom and hope.

Editor’s Note: Similar stories of inspiring change will be featured in our upcoming book about personal change due to be released Spring 2011. If you have an inspiring story of personal change, please send it to editor@vitalsmarts.com and include “Change Anything Story” in the subject line of your e-mail.

editor Change Anything

In last month’s Change Anything column, we published an inspiring story from Michael Vitali. This month, Michael shares the specific strategies he used to overcome his addictions.

I started smoking cigarettes when I was eleven years old. Since then, I’ve abused every drug on the market: speed, heroine, meth, LSD, prescription drugs. You name it—I’ve been addicted to it. My pursuit of temporary freedom started me on a twenty-year downward spiral in which I alienated my family, lost friends, sabotaged my career, experienced homelessness, and served multiple jail sentences.

After years of denial, I finally admitted that I was an alcoholic and drug addict, and realized I could not continue my current lifestyle without suffering the consequences. When I was released from prison, I started making changes I knew would be necessary to get my life back on track. To change my life I knew I had to make changes in every area of my life. Here’s how I succeeded.

Personal Motivation: Love What You Hate—In prison, I found myself saying, “This is not your life!” I cried to God for help and made a commitment to never lose control of my addictive personality again. After my release, my sponsor gave me advice I’ll never forget: “Anything you put before your sobriety—whether it’s your family, friends, or job—you will lose.”

I remind myself of these experiences often and make my sobriety my number one priority and focus. Whenever I see people drinking, I say to myself, “Drinking is not for you. You can’t handle it. It’s not an option.” I try to focus on what I really want out of life, and that picture doesn’t include drugs or alcohol.

Personal Ability: Do What You Can’t—I began attending AA meetings three times a day. I also engaged in group therapy and counseling. In these sessions, I learned about chemical dependency and the techniques needed to live a joyous and substance-free life. Specifically, I learned how to relate to other human beings, basic life skills such as making coffee and cleaning, and most importantly, how to control my anger and emotions through talking through my problems rather than taking drugs and alcohol.

I also went back to school and earned a bachelor’s degree in Elementary Education. I started a successful career doing leadership development for an organization that provides housing and treatment for youth with behavioral and emotional problems.

Social Motivation and Ability: Turn Accomplices into Friends—I stopped hanging out with my partying friends—or rather, they stopped hanging out with me because I only wanted to go to AA meetings or out for coffee. My friends from AA became my support network. I learned from them how to behave and interact with people again. In fact, one of my AA friends offered me my first post-prison job.

I also called my sponsor daily to report on my progress and receive encouragement. My mother sent “I Believe in You” cards to me. They simply said, “Dear Michael, I.B.I.Y. Love, Mom.” Among other things, support from friends and family motivated me to stay straight.

Structural Motivation: Invert the Economy—I recognized the physical and psychological costs of my bad behavior and decided I did not want to lose control again. The fear of returning to prison constantly motivated me to stay sober.

Structural Ability: Control Your Space—After prison, I moved in with my mom. I knew she was the only one who would get all of the drugs and alcohol out of the house. In college, I lived alone so I could maintain control of my environment and be less stressed. I never went to bars or parties where alcohol was served, and I always made sure I had a car or a bike so I would be able to get to my AA meetings.

I have not had the compulsion to drink or take drugs in twenty years. I use my past experiences to constantly improve the quality of my future. The changes that have taken place in my life are difficult to put into words. When I reflect on my life over the past few years, I can honestly say I like what I see. What was once dark, foreboding, and full of despair has become a joyous and rewarding life.

Editor’s Note: Similar stories of inspiring change will be featured in our upcoming book about personal change due to be released Spring 2011. If you have an inspiring story of personal change, please send it to editor@vitalsmarts.com and include “Change Anything Story” in the subject line of your e-mail.

editor Change Anything

By Michael Vitali

Editor’s Note: We are pleased to announce a new monthly column featuring inspiring stories of personal change. These stories will be featured in our upcoming book about personal change due to be released Spring 2011.

I started smoking cigarettes when I was eleven years old. Since then, I’ve abused every drug on the market: speed, heroine, meth, LSD, prescription drugs. You name it—I’ve been addicted to it.

My pursuit of temporary freedom started me on a twenty-year downward spiral in which I alienated my family, lost friends, sabotaged my career, experienced homelessness, and served multiple jail sentences. I tried various methods to quit: drug rehab, AA meetings, and substituting hobbies and relationships for drugs.

Shortly after an early rehab session, I was hired by a well-respected, family-owned resort. The next eight months were evidence that sober living was full and rewarding. My career moved forward, my spirits soared, and it looked as though my treatment in rehab was a complete success.

However, chemical dependency is a subtle foe. After work, I began to “wind down” with a couple of drinks. What innocently began as social drinking quickly snowballed into full-blown alcoholism. Unable to control the addiction, my job performance suffered and I lost interest in anything beyond alcohol.

The promise of a rewarding career, a fulfilling life, and a sober existence disappeared with the job I had worked so hard to attain. Having abused every hand of friendship and alienated my family, I had nowhere to turn.

I started a new life in Arizona. But away from the scrutiny of family and friends, I quickly spiraled into the depths of chemical dependency. My life got progressively worse as my tolerance for alcohol and drugs increased. Loneliness, fear, despair, and frustration became my constant companions. I lost every material possession, I could not hold a steady job, and my friends were tired of supporting me and my habit. I then turned to theft and was soon arrested for shoplifting and spent three months in jail. Upon my release, I was homeless, destitute, and hopelessly addicted.

It was not long before I was in trouble with the law again and was sentenced to prison on the charges of theft, possession and manufacture of drug paraphernalia.

My imprisonment was a pivotal experience. After years of denial, I finally admitted that I was an alcoholic and drug addict. I began recalling my drug abuse, crimes, homelessness, and current state in prison. I found myself saying, “This is not your life!” I cried to God for help and made a commitment to never lose control of my addictive personality again.

After my release from prison, I began attending AA meetings three times a day. I engaged in group therapy and counseling to learn how to control my anger and emotions. Each day, I learned more and more about chemical dependency and the techniques needed to live a joyous and substance-free life.

editor Change Anything